STUDY | Singlehood is far more complex than ‘by choice’ or ‘not by choice’

In March 2026 the Centre for Population, Family and Health at the University of Antwerp presented new statistics regarding single people. Only 1 in 8 singles aged 23–39 (12%) are actively looking for a long-term partner, even though many remain open to one, the study finds. While I haven’t found the paper behind these numbers, I have found other, interesting source material.

A sociological study from the University of Antwerp argues that the way society understands singlehood is overly simplistic. Rather than being either voluntary or involuntary, the experience of being single is shaped by a shifting mix of emotional readiness, personal desire and structural opportunity.

The research, conducted by Dries Van Gasse and Dimitri Mortelmans and based on 40 in-depth interviews with single adults aged 25 to 35 in Belgium, proposes a new analytical framework to capture this complexity. Their findings suggest that singlehood should be understood not as a fixed status but as a dynamic position shaped by readiness, willingness and ability to form relationships. 

Rethinking the way society looks at singles

In public debate and much of the academic literature, single people are often categorised using a simple binary: they are either single by choice or single against their will. This distinction has been useful in challenging stereotypes that all singles are unhappy, but according to the researchers it still flattens a complex reality.

“Individuals are either single by choice or against their will”, the authors write, yet such a framework offers a “static and simplistic view” of people’s relational lives. 

The problem, they argue, is that people’s relationship trajectories are shaped simultaneously by internal motivations, emotional timing and structural conditions. A person might want a relationship but not feel emotionally ready. Others might feel ready but struggle to meet potential partners. Some may simply prefer independence.

To capture these nuances, the researchers adapt a concept originally developed in demographic studies of fertility: the ready–willing–able (RWA) framework. The model suggests that behaviour changes when people are simultaneously prepared for it, motivated to pursue it and able to do so. 

Applied to singlehood, the three dimensions mean:

• Readiness: whether someone feels emotionally and situationally prepared for a relationship.
• Willingness: whether they actually want a romantic partnership.
• Ability: whether they have the resources, opportunities or skills to pursue one.

These elements interact and fluctuate over time, producing a wide range of experiences of single life.

Emotional readiness and personal timing

One of the most frequently mentioned factors in the interviews was emotional readiness. Many respondents described needing time to process past relationships before they could open themselves up to a new one.

A participant described how emotional closure helped them re-enter the dating world: “From the moment I notice that I’m checking Instagram less … that’s the moment I know I’m really over it. And from then on, I allowed myself to start dating again.”

Readiness also had practical aspects. Some interviewees felt they needed stability in housing, work or finances before committing to a partner. Living with parents, for example, could be perceived as a barrier to dating.

For others, readiness involved the emotional willingness to risk vulnerability again. Entering a relationship inevitably involves the possibility of disappointment or heartbreak. Being ready for a relationship therefore often meant accepting the possibility of being hurt again.

The many meanings of wanting a relationship

The interviews also showed that willingness to form a relationship is rarely straightforward.

Some respondents clearly desired a partner for emotional companionship or intimacy. Others were more ambivalent. While open to relationships, they valued autonomy and independence and did not actively seek partnership.

One interviewee described a reluctance to depend on another person: “I start by thinking that I don’t want a boyfriend … the underlying issue is that I don’t want to depend on someone.” 

Even among those who wanted a relationship, motivations varied widely. Some sought emotional support or intimacy, while others emphasised practical considerations such as sharing responsibilities or improving financial stability.

Social expectations also played a role. Several participants noted pressure from family or peers to settle down. One interviewee described feeling judged for not following conventional life milestones: “Sometimes you feel like you’ve failed … especially now that I’m 28, there’s much more of a ‘come on, settle down’ vibe.” 

Structural barriers and the ‘ability’ to partner

A third dimension identified in the study concerns ability: the practical or structural capacity to pursue relationships.

This includes personal skills such as communication and flirting, but also broader social conditions. Work schedules, caregiving responsibilities, financial instability or limited opportunities to meet potential partners can all restrict people’s ability to form relationships.

One respondent reflected on difficulties recognising romantic signals: “I sometimes think people come to flirt with me without me realising it … Maybe I’m missing opportunities because of that.”

The researchers note that such barriers show why singlehood cannot be explained purely by individual choices. Structural inequalities, social norms and dating cultures also shape people’s chances of forming relationships.

Six distinct singlehood experiences

By analysing how readiness, willingness and ability combine in individuals’ narratives, the researchers identified six common configurations of singlehood.

1. Some respondents were ready, willing and able to form relationships but simply not actively seeking them. For these individuals, singlehood felt temporary or exploratory rather than problematic.
2. Others were ready and willing but unable, facing barriers such as lack of opportunities, time constraints or difficulties navigating dating environments.
3. Another group was willing and able but not ready, expressing interest in relationships but feeling emotionally unprepared due to recent breakups or personal circumstances.
4. A smaller number were not ready and not willing but able, meaning they could pursue relationships but felt no desire to do so, often because they enjoyed independence.
5. There were also participants who were ready and able but not willing, actively choosing a single lifestyle despite having no emotional or practical obstacles to relationships.
6. Finally, some were willing but constrained, desiring connection but lacking both emotional readiness and the practical conditions to pursue it.

Challenging stereotypes about single life

The study argues that these findings challenge the persistent stereotypes surrounding singlehood.

Singles are often portrayed either as lonely individuals lacking relationships or as carefree people enjoying complete freedom. According to the researchers, neither image accurately reflects the complexity of people’s experiences.

One participant summarised this tension: “Some think singles must be lonely. Others think being single means you can do anything you want. But neither of those really match my experience.” 

Instead, the researchers suggest that singlehood should be seen as a relational position, shaped by personal desires, emotional timing and social constraints.

A changing social landscape

The research also highlights how singlehood is becoming increasingly common in contemporary societies, particularly among young adults. This makes understanding its diverse forms more important than ever.

The authors conclude that focusing on whether someone is single “by choice” misses the more important question: how people inhabit singlehood and how their circumstances shape that experience.

By introducing the ready–willing–able framework to the study of relationships, the research provides a new lens for analysing modern intimacy. Rather than treating singles as a homogeneous group, it reveals a wide spectrum of lived realities, each shaped by a unique combination of desire, timing and opportunity. 

Source: Van Gasse, D. and Mortelmans, D. (2025) ‘Beyond the voluntariness dichotomy: perspectives of singles regarding relationship formation, Families, Relationships and Societies’, Early View, DOI: 10.1332/20467435Y2025D000000072.

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